There’s Got to be a Morning-After Pill 3×12

Bonnie Capistrano, who cheated on Tim Foyle with Dick (and some other frat guys), hires Veronica to find out who slipped her a RU-486 pill, which causes a miscarriage. She knows the father was either Tim or Dick, who called for a paternity test when he was asked if he could help pay for the abortion. Bonnie decided to keep it, though, after she received balloons and a note: “Congrats from grandma and grandpa,” which is somewhat of a feat since Mr. Ted Capistrano is a televangelist. Tim found out by way of balloons and offered any help possible. Bonnie doesn’t want Tim to know she is investigating him.

Phyllis, her best friend and roommate, didn’t like Tim at first (didn’t we all?!?!), but came around when Tim offered his support, including but not limited to giving her the What to Expect When You’re Expecting book. Veronica hacks (through a convoluted way of attaching a tiny camera; remember when she would just call for Mac’s help instead?) into Tim’s office computer, not only discovering he had visited the Neptune Women’s Clinic a few days back, but that he has investigative files on the Dean’s death. (Takes me back to the beautiful days of season one.) She doesn’t recognize one of the names, Anthony Martin, who was apparently an earwitness to the gunshot as he stumbled home drunk from the Pi Sig party that night. He tells Veronica he didn’t report it because he thought it was a suicide and he didn’t need another alcohol infraction… or want one, at least. As she leaves, however, he suddenly remembers that after he made it back to his room, he watched the 2:30 a.m. Space Ghost rerun. She figures it takes about ten minutes to walk from the Administration Building to his dorm, while on the sauce.

Keith drops by the O’Dells (apparently they only live ten blocks from each other) to ask Mindy about the Volvo situation. She claims she normally drives the minivan, but they had switched that day because she was going to be “out of town” and Cyrus needed the bigger vehicle to haul his son’s drum kit around. Some time later (in the week or day, I’m not sure and haven’t the energy to check), Mindy asks Keith to come over because an intruder is lurking downstairs (she brought her sons and herself to her bedroom). She didn’t call the sheriff because Keith is closer and more competent. He arrives just as the intruder makes it out with his wares: it’s Richard Grieco, Mindy’s ex-husband (Steve Batando)! He came over to take some stuff he was due after he was kidnapped for his bone marrow. His monthly payments stopped, as did the car payments (resulting in its repossession). Mindy lamely admits she couldn’t afford to after Cyrus died, which is why she hired Keith in the first place: to get the life insurance she was denied because it was ruled a suicide. (Mindy, why don’t you get a job? Apparently, you two crazy crackers met while Cyrus was your professor in graduate school or something or other, so I can’t imagine you are dumb as a brick, even though you are a slut.) Keith checks up on Gram, Cyrus’ son:

“What do you want?” the punk/goth/teen/person asks in a sadistic tone.
“Just checking to see if you’re okay.”
“Everything’s awesome,” Gram replies ironically, with just a hint of malice.

It plays out better on screen. After Batando leaves, Keith warns her to call the authorities next time, because meth heads like him are trouble. Mindy asks him to stay a bit longer while she tucks Jason into bed. Keith agrees and checks out the garage — he finds an egg shell under the windshield wiper of the Volvo, proof that it was at Hearst that night. But did that mean Mindy drove it? And also, wasn’t she flirting really femme fatale to Keith in this episode, more than usual?

Veronica, haunted by visions of Madison and Logan frolicking in her head, breaks up with him. She rattles off how Madison’s done her wrong: handing her a roofied drink (which Dick spiked and gave to Madison), and writing “slut” on her car the night of her rape (I’m sorry, I’m pretty sure you were fucking the guy who was a good friend, who turned his back on you, and then led the charge against you to turn you into a social pariah). Okay, I can understand, in the girly sort of way… not pink-flowers and hearts-with-arrows way, but in the way females tend to — how do I say this — hate females more and going out of their way to hurt them (psychologically, etc.). Because we are equals and know how to damage the person, because we are the same gender. Or something. Get it? I don’t know. Anyway, Veronica offers a silver lining in that, if Logan can “make it not true,” it will all be fine. Quick, Logan, you better start on that time machine you were planning to build yesterday. Crazy Veronica follows Madison getting a new Mercedes for her birthday. She decides to hire Weevil to steal the car and crush it into a cube.

Pretending to be Hester, Veronica visits Reverend Capistrano at his studio for some advice on her “situation,” with alarming similarities to his daughter Bonnie’s. The reverend reveals that bit of info and breaks down as he also confesses that the baby was lost. Feeling he is sincere, Veronica offers her hand in comfort. She also visits the Neptune Clinic, but we don’t really learn anything, but it will result in Keith receiving a packet in his mailbox that includes photographs of Veronica walking out of the clinic, a religious pamphlet, and a bookmark from Good Word Press. They travel as “Carson Drew and [his] assistant, Nancy,” private investigators hired by some groom’s parents to see if their future daughter-in-law is, er, “good.” They’re allowed to check Good Word Press’ photo binders; Veronica sees Nadia, Dick’s new girl. She wonders if maybe Nadia did a favor for Dick by asking for some RU-486. Then Thurman, who was at Capistrano’s studio when Veronica dropped by, drops by here! Thurman recognizes her as “Hester” and that she was in trouble. The tangle of lies lie short of unfolding as Keith quickly covers (with hilarity), “She is troubled,” and leads her outside as if a child. In the newspaper, we also find out Thurman is Capistrano’s CFO, and that they are planning to go from public access to mainsteam. Veronica wonders if maybe a reverend’s pregnant, unwed, teenage daughter was a hindrance to this move. The mystery this week has a lot more suspects than I remember in previous episodes.

Dick confronts Logan about sleeping with Madison. Dick is obviously affected, because it’s uncool between friends, but tries to shrug it off. He then calls Logan pathetic for wallowing. Logan drunk dials Veronica, but only gets her voicemail. At first, he’s snarky: “Ah! Veronica’s voicemail!” He asks if she’s digging up dirt on anyone, and with drunken clarity, tells her that if she digs deep enough, everyone’s a sinner. He says it’s encouraging someone still has such high expectations of him. Then he gets back on track and apologizes. Veronica only hears the snarky part, but not the truthy, but equally snarky, deep down everyone’s a sinner part. She deleted the message.

Veronica asks Bonnie if she can sneak her into Thurman’s office during service. She agrees, but only if V can make it over to her dorm in fifteen minutes dressed in her best church clothes. As she approaches her room, she meets Rev. Capistrano again. He calls her Hester, to Bonnie’s confusion. V snoops around a bit as Phyllis, Ted’s “second daughter,” rushes out excitedly to greet him. Veronica decides now is the best time ever to drop da bomb, so she informs Bonnie that Tim slipped her the pill, because he gave her the book (What to Expect…) that contains a bookmark from Good Word Press, a pro-life organization that publicly shames women; she also informs the rev that his CFO is a member (this might be important, later, who knows, but why bother to slip it in if we, the audience, know this already?). Bonnie claims Phyllis, not Tim, gave her the book, and slowly comes to the realization of what her best friend did. Phyllis argues that she did it for her, to help with her plans and goals, which she would never get around to doing as a young mother while probably in the midst of divorce — she wasn’t even planning to keep it until her parents found out. Bonnie can only scream angrily at her, “Go to hell!” (I am really impress with the actress, at first she was only this girl who slept with Dick, among others, but dare I say she’s becoming three-dimensional?) Ted, holding his weeping daughter, tells her in his wisdom,

Try to be forgiving. It’s the only way. Anger will tear you down. It’ll make you less of a person that you want to be. And it will tear apart your soul. The Bible teaches us that he who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit can capture a city. He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly.

Feeling the message resonate with her, she decides to not crush Madison’s car after all, but proposes to Weevil that maybe he could stick an opened can of tuna in the AC vent. “You’re going soft, Mars,” he calls after her. Sorry, Weevs, but everybody knew this back in the pilot. Get with the program, vato.

Is this the Rubicon of Logan and Veronica’s relationship? I’m not sure about that. I was not as incensed as I thought I would be. I mean, sure, here we go again with Veronica taking the upper hand in being the breaker rather than the breakee, yet…

(1) In her dream, when Logan asks if she really has to go, she answers plaintively, “I wish I didn’t have to.”
(2) Would Veronica have followed Madison and decided to crush her car if she hadn’t known she had slept with Logan? Doubt it. She was pissed, her feelings were crushed, and wanted revenge (and maybe a little jealous). (I think a better idea is revealing her true paternity. Seriously, folks, will that ever happen??) Minna, that means she cares! (Blame HYD for all that minna crap I’ve been pulling… minna.)
(3) When Keith asked if she was okay, she replied no.
(4) Communication! She actually confronted him this time. Remember when she found out about the GHB, but just left him on the boat? Or when she discovered the cameras, and just ran away? And she didn’t even tell him she considered him to be a suspect in Lilly Kane’s murder, and that his arrest was her doing! We are getting somewhere, guys.
(5) Epic.

Okay, I normally don’t want to sound like a shipper, but it takes this episode to bring it out of me. You may not call me one, though — unless you mean shipper in that I ship my products to my Amazon Marketplace customers (I mostly list items before the Christmas season, if anyone wanted to know, which I’m sure you didn’t).