Poughkeepsie, Tramps & Thieves 3×11

Minna, what happened?? This episode was hilarious. In fact, I rank highly the funny VM episodes, and this, coupled with the great title (perhaps second to The Rapes of Graff), puts it right up there. Does this mean my loss of faith has been fully restored? No, I’m well aware that I have an up-and-down relationship with the show… just like Logan and Veronica! I expect a few future episodes will disappoint, which is a shame because, since we were getting close to the big culprit (in S1 and 2), the last block of episodes contained some all-time faves. So, I’m definitely steeling myself for another downward turn like last week. I guess we can all thank Diane Ruggiero… she and Klembom usually have the best scripts…

But never mind about that for now. Max (he sold Wallace the answer key, and helped Veronica out with an online site for written essays) wants to hire Veronica to find the girl of his dreams. He only knows her first name and that she’s from Poughkeepsie, and nothing else. They met at Comic-Con (snerk) and really hit it off. Veronica snarks that maybe this girl was dressed as a Cylon and goes by the name “Six” (snort). Max admits that yeah, maybe they did start off talking Battlestar Galactica, but they stayed up all night talking about life and all sorts of things in his hotel room. He dropped her off at the airport, and with a tearful goodbye she told him she left a note with all her info in his room, but by the time he got back, it was gone. Recently, he got a text from her that said she had given up waiting for him and decided to marry her ex. Max adds that if V doesn’t find her, he will kill himself.

The Hearst Lampoon pokes fun of the eggings (calling it Huevosnacht) the night after Dean O’Dell announced the reinstated Greek system, which included the Lampoon offices and the Pi Sig party. Weevil complains about cleaning the eggs off the Dean’s window, but there is no mention of it in the satirical newspaper. Similarly, when Keith obtains a copy of the police report on the Dean’s death (which is public record), there is nothing about the eggs, but maybe it’s simple negligence on the sheriff’s part? Veronica offers that Lilith House went on an egging spree that night, but definitely does not want to ask them questions again. So, Keith dresses up in his old uniform to do some interrogating. They’re hostile at first, until he reveals that he believes the Dean was murdered. Claire and Fern admit they egged the Dean’s office, but Nish was not with them. Nish comes out from behind, saying, “Mr. Mars.” Busted! Also, how old is the actress really? She emits a twentyclosetothirtysomething air about her, definitely not college. She tells him what he’s doing is illegal, but since she has nothing to hide, reveals that she went around to egg the Dean’s Volvo. Fern clues her in that the Dean may have been murdered. Nish looks upset. However, the report states that only the minivan was in the lot; Mindy supposedly had the Volvo. There is also no mention at all from either parties that O’Dell visited Landry and Mindy during their hotel rendezvous.

Veronica heads into Max’s room to get the number he copied from the text. He claims that everytime he calls, a guy answers that he doesn’t know a Chelsea. V calls for herself, and finds out he just got his cell and that he’s from Goshen, which is sort of close to Poughkeepsie, in that they are both in New York State. (I mean, sure, I guess it’s close if you hop into a car and drove for about 45 minutes.) But it doesn’t matter, because he’s on the West Coast in a liberal-arts college no one’s ever heard of, Hearst. Hehe. She goes down by the food court to help him figure out how to use the features. Uh… seriously? I thought guys loved technology!! She finds the message, but he claims he didn’t do it. Then one of his co-workers comes out from the kitchen, and she recognizes from one of Max’s photos that he is Max’s roommate, Brian. She returns to Max’s dorm to tell him that Brian and another friend, Fred, hired him a hooker he could lose his virginity to so he’d have a little more confidence. (Max’s reaction shot is pricelessly hilarious: “I’m gonna go kill my friends now, so, if you could just leave me a bill.”) His two friends coached Chelsea so she’d appeal to Max right away. Later, Brian used the co-worker’s phone to let him down gently, when he saw Max was still moping. Veronica tries to reiterate that the girl’s a hooker, but he still wants her found.

Back to the two friends, V questions how they found Chelsea — a hooker search engine, of course. At this point they find out Max didn’t have sex with her, is still a virgin, and is not finding her to only have sex with her. They’re flabbergasted. “Chelsea” turns up as a dude, but the guys contend that they change their working names all the time, so Veronica has to input all the search criteria until only two names, Fiona and Lizette, are left. The photos blur their faces, however, and the guys can’t remember which one it was. Does hilarity ensue? I guess you can say that. Veronica tells Keith she has to meet some hookers over at Logan’s hotel suite. Max arrives a little while later, but they wait a while for the girls to come. I suppose prostitutes really aren’t known for punctuality. The first girl, Lizette arrives, spots Veronica and without missing a beat wants more cash if three people will be involved. Lol. Max comes back from the bathroom and pipes up that that’s not her. Max pays her and as she leaves, bumps into Fiona. “Chelsea?” “Max? Eeeeeee!” That’s the squeal of joy, by the way, not of a terrified hooker fleeing from a spider.

Fiona/Chelsea, hereby known as Wendy, stays in the suite to make out with Max. LV are a little miffed. A door knock interrupts them and Veronica opens up to Madison Sinclair. V thinks she’s here to see Dick. Mad checks out the people and decides to do something that doesn’t suck. I’m not sure Madison, I’m willing to bet, to an extent, it will. The next day, they ask Veronica for another favor: to make Wendy disappear. She gets to talking about a client, Judge Cramer, who likes tickle fights and women’s pumps (wearing them). Meanwhile, Logan receives a visitor in the form of a bruised hooker, asking for Wendy. She asks for Wendy to come back, and with the $1000 from last night, because dey pimp be pissed, yo! Wendy tells Max there’s no other way, or more people will get bitch-slapped. Max offers her the thousand he was going to use to pay Veronica, and Wendy and her friend (I guess) leave. Max is emo.

So emo, in fact, that he doesn’t move from Logan’s couch! Logan and Veronica have resorted to hiding in his bedroom in order to stay clear of Max, but V finally heads outside to talk. She admits she was wrong about the two of them, then spots the towel the beat-up hooker was using for her wounds — it’s full of purple makeup. Her incredulousness restored, she informs Max he’s been swindled. She wants to feel vindicated so she tells him they are going to get payback from Wendy. Using Max’s phone, she calls the judge, informing him of his proclivities and asks for a thousand dollars in a bus locker to keep quiet. The next day, she and Max head to the station for the pick-up, but only a typed note lies inside: come to the limo outside or Wendy gets it! Inside the car, her pimp, or madame, actually, tells the pair that the judge rang her up. She doesn’t like it when her employees do stupid things, like fall in love with clients or call up judges. Max claims he did it, but the lady insists that it was a female’s voice. Chelsea tried to leave, but still owes a $10,000 debt that includes room and board (and braces). Max quickly offers to pay. (Dang, that fake term-paper business is booming, son.) The lady agrees on the condition that he never talks to another one of her clients again, or next time, it won’t be bruise makeup.

Still skeptical, Veronica scolds Max that there’s no guarantee Wendy will be free, but as they approach his dorm, she’s sitting outside with her luggage. Aw, now that they are together for real. In the food court, Weevil excitedly begins to tell V about something gross and pathetic, then recognizes Wendy as a dancer, but she tells him he’s mistaken. He remains unconvinced, and goes on to describe a tattoo of hers on her bottom. Max looks uncomfortable, and Veronica uses that vamoose tone. Weevil finally gets it through his large, thick head and leaves. In his room, as Wendy is painting his toenails clear, his Brian and Fred enter and ask if Wendy could be the entertainment at Brian’s brother’s bachelor party. Max is incensed, and Wendy says she’s retired. After they leave, he asks if she really did leave a note, and she admits that she didn’t, but she really wish she did. Later, she leaves an actual note, writing that one of the best days of her life happened when they met at Comic-Con. She knows things won’t work out, because now that he knows who she is, it shows in the way he looks and touches her; nonetheless, she doesn’t regret any of it. She also promises to pay back the money he paid to free her.

Max drops by the library and informs Veronica of the news. Wendy’s already paid back $1000, of which Max gives to V for her services. He hopes she doesn’t mind it all in singles, folded vertically.

During the course of the episode, Veronica asks Logan if he’d ever been with a hooker. He dodges it, but later, in bed, she brings it up again. She’s offering a clean slate… she will probably find out for herself sooner or later. He finally divulges that, no, he’s never been with a hooker. Then why you so worried chum? I think because he figured she would probe further beyond that, along those lines, as we shall see. She then asks what really happened in the Mexican motel room — how did Mercer find the time to rape Nancy and then return? Here, I’m confused. Logan looks a tad guilty, but then WHY DOESN’T VERONICA SEE IT?? (Maybe because Logan was very aware where the line of questioning would lead to?) She accepts that maybe Mercer drugged Logan so he could have an alibi, which, btw, is totally Mercer. Anyway, I thought it was unofficially established that Claire’s rape wasn’t the only fake one, the other being Nancy’s. Hm. Then again, it is “unofficial.” Finally we come to it, she asks if he was with anyone during their break-up, and he immediately warns her, “Landmine.” She nods as she looks the other way. Logan admits he hooked up with someone really horrible over the holidays, and regrets it deeply. “Still love me?” he asks. Veronica slowly smiles and answers, “Yes.”

Remembering some of Wendy’s advice, she decides to hop to it to a lingerie shop. Heh, I don’t know why I found it hilariouis. She picks an outfit, but runs into Madison. She gloats that since she and Logan hooked up in Aspen over the holidays, she thought she’d meet up with him since she was in town, but since they were already back together, there was no need. She snidely remarks about V’s choice from the sale rack, and that Logan isn’t really into the one-piece numbers. Snap!

I don’t understand why Veronica is so hung up on it being Madison. Does she still let that bitch affect her, after months of not seeing her? I mean, hello, anyone remember Kendall?? Paris Hilton?!?! I can’t help but think this is Rob Thomas’s way to make Logan’s actions unforgiveable. Then again, if he were actually doing that, he’d have him sleep with Mac or Parker. And remember, Veronica, YOU WERE NOT ON A BREAK. YOU WERE ACTUALLY BROKEN UP, WHICH YOU ADMITTED YOURSELF. Why? Why does this cause the break up, this time from her side, for something so petty? I just can’t wrap my mind around it. Is it because he didn’t tell her who it was? It’s more forgiveable than, say, Logan on Gilmore Girls sleeping with everyone in his sister’s bridal party during one of their fights, where, if I may add, they did not break up. I just don’t get it. I really don’t it. Really. You better enlighten me, Next Week’s Episode, or I’ll bust a cap in your ass. Bitch.

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