Lord of the Pi’s 3×08

With Nish gone from the Hearst Free Press, Veronica is rehired as a photographer, and her first job back is to take photos of Selma Hearst Rose (the granddaughter of the man the college is named after) at the reception held before the board of trustees meets to decide the fate of the Greek system. While at the newspaper office (which, I forgot to mention, reminds me of Lloyd Blankenship’s workplace), a couple of guys walk in with a front-page photo: Chip Diller, Lord of the Pi Sig’s, with his head sloppily shaved and only in his underwear. Which, lol. And also: seems more like Hearst Lampoon material.

While readying for the party, Logan comes by her apartment, but Veronica hasn’t the time. In fact she hasn’t responded to any of his messages, but she claims she’s been busy (well, she is this time). He wants her to stop investigating the rapes and to stop getting involved in the serial rapes — she isn’t invincible and all-knowing, all of which is pissing off Veronica (but she didn’t really sound deadly serious). They argue, and Keith comes out, telling him not to yell at his daughter, but at least he doesn’t shove him against the wall. Logan retorts that maybe Keith should start, and leaves. Veronica excuses him by saying he’s only worried about her and the rapist’s putting everyone on edge.

At the party, Veronica briefly meets Selma Rose (Patty Hearst) for a photo op. Later, when she is formally introduced to the partygoers, she is mysteriously missing. Sheriff Lamb doesn’t really think it’s anything serious but a flaky rich lady, so O’Dell goes to Veronica. Lamb is looking a little green here, so why don’t you DO YOUR JOB. As V makes a call to her dad about bringing home a visitor, she sees a shadow, hears a suspicious noise and takes out her taser, but nothing really comes out of it except for a tense moment. Back at their apartment, O’Dell hires Keith to find a possibly abducted Selma.

The Pi Sigs have started Sex Quest ’06, where they rack up points based on the chicks they bang. Trust me, it’s lot funnier than it sounds. Dick provides info that Chip Dip had a plastic Easter egg shoved up his bum, with some Roman numerals inside the shell. Sounds like another barrel of laughs. Veronica wants to know the numbers, but Dick doesn’t know, and it’s not like they stored it in a bulletproof glass case. “Morty the homeless dude” digs around in the frat’s dumpster regularly for cans and bottles, so V pays him a twenty to dig up the egg, which he hilariously handles with gloves. There are two sets of numerals inside: 111 and 903. With a little help from Wallace, she thinks it might be a date, and she checks the Free Press archives in the library. On November 19, 2003, a Theta Beta pledge named Patrice Petrelli leapt off their roof. Then, she hears a strange, squeaky noise, and she immediately runs into another room and hides under the desk… except it’s only the custodian mopping the floor. I never thought I’d say this, but I had hoped they would reveal Weevil.

I thought it was a more interesting MotW than others thought, but it still wasn’t terribly so. Selma’s husband, Bud (Charles Shaughnessy), blackmailed Selma into hiding with photos of her kissing her dog walker… Hallie, from the Theta Beta sorority (who first appeared in 3×02). She planned on laying low in her guesthouse until a certain date, or more specifically, the date of their tenth anniversary, which would entitle her husband to half of her fortune rather than a much-less amount if they broke up before the date. He planned to run away with his money and his lover… Hallie. I know people experiment in college, but damn. Selma, Veronica, and Keith concoct a plan that would allow her to come out of hiding before the set date, without explaining to the Dean the real reason: using Morty as an witness who saw Selma arguing with Hallie, then planting one of her earrings in Hallie’s car. Hallie, who folds faster than Superman doing laundry, admits to the sheriff where Selma’s hidden. Bud is brought in and Selma offers him the divorce papers. When meeting Dean O’Dell, she lets us know that she plans to vote against the Greek system. What?? But the Greeks are awesome!! The mythology!! Pythagorean theorem! My name is Greek! Oh, nm.

Hallie confronts Veronica, telling her she’s not a gold digger and that Selma’s husband is more man than V could handle. I’m not sure about that, Hallie, Veronica is pretty manly. V asks what was the real deal with Patrice, but Hallie denies any wrongdoing, since she didn’t die, and to ask her friend, Claire. Oh, goody, now we see Claire, who seems to be conveniently having a feminist powwow, with Fern and Nish there. Claire informs us that there actually was a two-way mirror, which she’d seen as a pledge, but they must’ve paneled over it or something. A rush officer would bring some pledges down to the secret room, and have them strip. Then the girls were marked like the kind plastic surgeons make, pointing out their imperfections, but were especially cruel to Patrice. When the lights turned on, their brother fraternity, the Pi Sigmas, were laughing their asses off on the other side of the mirror. She was stuck like that for days (I doubt weeks), since it was permanent marker. Chip took to calling her “Marshmallow” and she was forced to sunbathe with them despite her markings. One day, she walked, not jumped off the roof; she’s currently in a mental-health facility. Veronica thinks this is powerful motivation to fake a rape, and wonders how many of the other rapes were real, because of the lack of forensic evidence. Nish once again snots on her that she cleared the Pi Sigs, but Veronica states that nothing hurts the cause more than a fake rape. Yeah, Nish, stfu. You go to hell. You go to hell and you die.

In the canteen, Wallace and Veronica are having lunch when a bald yet baseball-capped Chip walks by. I guess a group of guys discussed among themselves: “Oh, look! There’s Chip. Dude, shouldn’t we totally sing Peter Cottontail?” “Dude!! TOTALLY!” “YEAH!” Just to remind you of the lyrics: “Here comes Peter Cottontail, hoppin’ down the bunny trail. Hippity-hoppity, Easter’s on its way.” This collective singing after something embarassing (like the ugly group of girls singing “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” after Carrie Bishop claims she had relations with the teacher) is funny, yet not really that believable. Anyway, Chip starts a fight with the whole group, but a girl is accidentally caught in the fray. Wallace helps the girl, but when he tries to calm them down, is caught in the altercation. Now Veronica jumps in with a taser, but not one, but two guys grab her from behind. The older, balder, fatter guy carries her out of the lunchroom and tells her he was hired by Mr. Echolls to keep her safe. I don’t know why, but storylines where people are unknowingly being protected by muscle someone else hires is totally hilarious to me.

Veronica bursts into Logan’s hotel room to yell at him. She had been scared shitless for the past few days, all because some big, fat guy she thought was the rapist was following her. Logan is just worried about her and her involvement in the case, hiring him after their earlier argument. She tells him that this is who she is and she can’t change, and if he can’t accept that this isn’t going to work, but Logan retorts that she expects him to change all the time. He finally tells her he loves her… does she love him? She replies, “yeah,” and they hug. He asks if they could just go a little easier on each other and she agrees. They hug some more, but later, when Veronica receives a call in the food court from him (she checks the caller ID), she ignores it. But guess what? LOGAN IS STANDING RIGHT THERE WATCHING HER!! OMG!! I think Veronica sounded sincere when she said “yeah,” but the rest of the scene was iffy. Or maybe she was just tired from the yelling.

I have to say, Logan is getting way too emo. That’s good news for JD as an actor, but man, the sleeves, the crying, the expressions… I can’t take it. In a way, this is the same situation in Wichita Linebacker, but reversed. You don’t call her informing her of your every move; now she ignores a few of your messages, it’s no basis for breaking up with her. Uh, I mean… whut? It’s not oranges and oranges, but sometimes people need breaks from each other. Then again, the last time she said she needed a few days to herself, she turned him into the sheriff for Lilly’s murder. I can see why he’s worried.

If the rapist was good for anything, it was for making Veronica stop curling her hair into a disgusting mess. So all that 7-episode grossness was just to contrast this one episode where all her hair was tied against her scalp, although in the next episode it seems to be flying free (but not curled)? I don’t have anything against curly hair… for a special occasion. But this chick was doing it everyday, and when curled her hair color made it look like diarrheal poo.

Well, I don’t think it deserved a D, EW. A B, maybe. Then again, I give lots of things B’s.

WHO IS THE RAPIST THAT WE WILL FIND OUT NEXT WEEK?? I think it’s more than one person. Because single-culprit mysteries are so last week.

LoVe ÷ Piz = Worst. Math. Equation. Ever. Then again, Piz is a crum bum, so if you tried to divide that, it wouldn’t be real math.

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