So she didn’t call the cops, it was the old whore’s daughter, Ann! She beats up Sucre, but only Lincoln is strong enough to subdue her. Mother and daughter are tied and gagged. T-Bag says they have “no choice,” but C-Note just wants to leave. HOLY CRAP LINCOLN’S HAIR MAGICALLY REAPPEARED! Sucre is to keep watch, but Michael asserts that nothing is to happen to them.
The guys dig, but T-Bag looks at magazines instead. They wonder what went wrong with Tweener, who’s still not back. He’s been captured and is being questioned, but it’s not working with Mahone’s partner, so Mahone himself goes in. He starts things off by asking if he’s Catholic — the guilt is bad, but the confession part is great. When Tweener is still silent, Mahone continues: Oscar Shales was also on the run, but he left a trail of dead in his wake. Mahone just kept missing him, and felt the deaths were his fault. He confesses this fostered his break from reality, revealing the pills that keep him grounded. Tweener still says nothing, so Mahone brings out photos of T-Bag’s first victim as an escaped convict — Dr. Gudat, the vet who reattached his severed hand. Photos of a dead guy on the table make Tweener go crazy.
After the phone call with her father, Sara is wary of “Lance”, who has magically appeared next to her. He wants to cook for her again, but she brushes him off. Her phone was tapped, so they know she spoke with her father before “Lance” appeared out of nowhere. Agent Kim wants to target LJ. Sara visits her father’s office and is informed his vice-presidential nomination was dropped by President Reynolds, despite his popularity.
In Kingman, AZ, as LJ is ominously brought out to meet his so-called lawyer, Kellerman watches Sara and tells Kim over the phone, “kid’s as good as gone.” Instead, LJ meets the assistant district attorney of Mohave County — the charges have been dropped and he will be released tomorrow.
Sara decides to see her dad at home, but finds him hanging with a noose around his neck in his office. She takes him down and a key she doesn’t notice falls out. She yells help and it seems as if no one comes as we go into commercial break. The medical examiner rules Governor Tancredi’s death as a suicide. Uh… don’t you need to be a little more thorough? Like performing-an-autopsy thorough? After his corpse is wheeled out, Sara finds the key on the floor.
Continuing with the odd couple, C-Note wants T-Bag to actually do some work for the money. A TV news report informs them that LJ’s charges have been dropped, because the evidence against him mysteriously disappeared. Some of the guys are shocked he has progeny, but Linc shakes it off and idiotically tells Michael he’s going to pick up his son. Michael isn’t going anywhere: he’s come this far, and he’s gettin’ the frickin’ money. Lincoln admits this mean they will have to split up.
Haywire steals from a crippled shopowner’s store. He walks with away with the knowledge he can’t follow him with much success (what, the guy can’t call the police?!), but his dog is on his tail. He steals a lifejacket on the shore of Lake Michigan and finds out the dog followed him because he has a backback full of jerky. Haywire is near the Great Lakes because he plans on building a raft to travel to the Netherlands so he can live in a windmill. He picks up a stick. Why does Lake Michigan look so barren? Probably because they are filming in Texas.
As Lincoln and Michael part, the latter tells him to meet up with him at Bolshoi Booze (which was on european gold finch.net!) in three days. He says if they do this right, they’ll be gone forever. Lincoln repeats what he said, because rote learning is useful for big gorillas like Linc the Sink, and drives off in Jeannette’s car. Wentworth looks all emo.
Mahone sweetens the pot for Tweener with a stay at Club Fed, without additional jail time for the breakout. HOLY HELL TWEENER IS ONLY EIGHTEEN?? Tweener finally acquiesces, but adds that if they go to the house, it’ll become a hostage situation, and knowing T-Bag, he’s gonna do something crazy… or even kuh-wazy. He offers to be the Trojan Horse.
Ann tells Sucre she needs her pills, to prevent a miscarriage. Sucre empathizes with her and helps her swallow them. She asks why he’s doing this, since she has a feeling he’s a good guy. Sucre dismisses it by insisting that he isn’t. She continues to ask him questions and discovers he only had 18 months to serve when he broke out for his pregnant woman (oh yeah, and she is busy — with The Nine). Sucre overhears on the police radio that Tweener is being transported and tells the guys.
The guys finally reach the cash and begin sorting it. T-Bag admits he wants to go to Thailand to get black-market surgery and trannies. C-Note laughs aloud that Johnny KKK is gonna get an Asian hand. T-Bag looks worried. Meanwhile, Tweener approaches the house while memories of his betrayal to Michael flash by — very homoerotic. He knocks and… Debra Jean answers! He apologizes, wanting her know about his feelings and says he’ll be writing her from prison.
Kim thought Kellerman was going to take care of the kid, but Kellerman reveals that LJ is bait to draw Lincoln out. Kim lets out that both Tancredis were becoming liabilities. Kellerman looks worried. Sara, with another origami bird in the mail, comes home to a table full of morphine and drug paraphernalia. In the background, a shadow lurks. I bet Kellerman will save Sara.
Ann tries to reason with Sucre, to do the right thing. Michael yells that it’s time to go, but Sucre pulls a gun on them. He wants ALL the money.
As Mahone drives Tweener back, the phallic-shaped “teenager” admits to Mahone that it feels really good to get stuff off your chest. He stops at the side of the road and shoots Tweener dead, placing a gun in his hands. (Apparently he admitted to killing Oscar Shales? WTF? I don’t remember this.) He falls to the ground, searching for his pills. (I’m confused, but this is in my notes.) I was right. Sort of.
Since Tweener’s dead, I can no longer talk about his being shaped like a dildo, so here’s a tribute:
Tweener, we hardly knew ye.
But ever since you reappeared in the second season with a shaved head, you have always reminded me of a giant penis… and Senkaku from Rurouni Kenshin. Who also looked like a giant penis.