Map 1213 2.05

Seventy-five miles east of Salt Lake City, Michael and Lincoln hear about Abruzzi’s death on the radio, expressing surprise that he was the first down. In Green River, WY, C-Note has managed to sneak onto a train with half a ticket, explaining “Sherry” let him on regardless. The conductor is skeptical. In a bed in Mack, CO, Debra Jean wishes she could keep driving past Utah into Hawaii. Tweener, who is actually not a moron, says no one can drive there… because it’s a magical fairyland! Never mind. Someone knocks on their motel door and Tweener quickly hides in the bathroom as DJ answers — it’s a police officer, holding up a picture of escaped convict Tweener… with hair!

DJ now knows the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but, yet claims she never saw him. When the cop leaves, Tweener explains he only stole a baseball card, and is not like the other guys who escaped. She calmly explains she’ll take a walk, and when she returns, expects her car to be gone, which she’ll report as stolen. Then, maybe her car will be found abandoned somewhere. He follows her roundabout instructions, angrily driving as DJ reporting her “stolen” vehicle is played over this scene. He stops in the middle of nowhere, wipes down his prints, and scrawls hastily in the desert dust on the window: ALOHA. Mahalo.

Michael and Lincoln have arrived in Tooele, UT, but nobody knows where the Double K Ranch is. They’ll have to go into a municipal building to access the public records, which is crawling with police cops. Money will make people do anything. A little over to the left, T-Bag picks up a newspaper. That’s T-Bag, with a capital T that rhymes with P that stands for pool! He steals Cheetos and hungrily devours them, spotting Tweener, who looks like he shits a brick. Maybe two. T-Bag catches up to him and coerces him to help, what with his gimp hand and his knowledge of the money’s location. Tweener thinks: $$$$$$$ > buttsects.

We find out from the FBI that the father (from last episode) was “violently assaulted.” Does that mean he’s still alive, but missing an ear or something? Sixty percent of Michael’s hard drive, that was dredged from the river, has been recovered. Mahone yells at the other agents for lack of information on Scofield (there was plenty on the others), then stares at the D.B. Cooper articles some more. He goes to his pen for the sweet pills and finds none. He’s grouchy and anxious and nervous and irritable. Sounds like colic.

A hundred miles outside of Las Vegas, Sucre calls all the chapels to find Hector’s and Maricruz’s wedding. When he arrives at the correct one, he meets Theresa, Maricruz’s sister. “You don’t want her to marry Hector, do you?” he asks. She tells him she’s busy, but will tell her he’s here. Later, Hector the Asshole shows up to tell him she’s not going with Sucre because she’s a “smart girl.” Yeah, right. Sucre yells that he doesn’t want him to be raising his child as police sirens pierce the air. Fueled by yet another betrayal, he punches his asshole coz and runs out the door, into Theresa, who tells him to leave. When she nods after he asks if she told Maricruz he was here, he yanks off his crucifix chain to give to her. The actress for Maricruz must be out of commission. Good.

Michael and Lincoln enter the public records office, but Mike beeps after walking through the metal detector. He hesitantly takes off his watch as the security guard eyes the tattoo around his wrist that’s now revealed. The public records guy is also suspicious, staring at them all the while they are perusing the maps. Or maybe he feels turned on by all the sexy? They find Karl Kokosing, who is Map 1213, but someone has already ripped out the page. They look out the window just as T-Bag leaves the building.

They follow him and harass him, especially his limp, disgusting hand. (PleasefalloffPleasefalloff.) T-Bag claims he made a deal with Tweener, but the kid stole it; meanwhile, he’s busy buying digging supplies in a small store. The brothers lock T-Bag up in their trunk so they can find him. The shopkeeper recognizes Tweener as one of the Fox River Eight, and beats him up with a bat. This kinda reminds me of that Pulp Fiction scene where crazy hillbillies rape Ving Rhames. The owner drags him to the back room as Michael enters the store. He sees the fallen shovel, and various other items slightly askew and I figure he figures out what happened. The shopkeep comes to the front, and also recognizes Michael; a fight ensues. Lincoln saves the day by barging in while holding a gun. I think it’s mostly the gun. In the trunk, T-Bag is fiddling with the wires.

When they ask Tweener about the map, he laughs and says, “He told you I had it?” They realize they’ve been played for fools as T-Bag memorizes the map in the now-lit trunk, then eats it. Yummy. When they return to their car and let T-Bag out, all that’s left is a small sliver on his chest as he triumphantly advises, “Remember, when you’re strip searching a lifer, you should always check the coin purse.” Give them a break: Lincoln is a first-time prisoner and Michael’s a pretty, college boy. Also, ew. They realize they have no choice but to work with T-Bag. Tweener is of no use to them, so they lock him in the trunk.

C-Note nicely asks his next-seat neighbor if he could borrow her laptop to check his e-mail. In reality, he logs onto the United States Army Signal Corps website to check for “K K Ranch.” As he notes the coordinates, the conductor returns to tell him that there is no “Sherry,” that his ticket is void and that he will be accompanied by security until the police at the next stop can escort him. He tries to give another excuse, but as he sees the guards come down the aisle, he jumps out of the train into the waiting river below in Preston, ID. Wouldn’t it have been much more fun, if it were rocks? Thousands and thousands of rocks?

In Chicago, Agent Kim asks Agent Kellerman if pursuing Sara Tancredi is really the best use of their time — they want Lincoln Burrows. Kellerman believes Sara will lead him to Michael, and in turn, to Lincoln. Kim dials President Reynolds to inform her of his status, whereupon Kellerman says he will. Kim smiles slyly and insists he will contact her directly. Uh-oh, are Kellerman and Caroline on the outs now? Don’t worry, I think she still cares. After all, she picked an agent with the same first letter in his last name as you!

Sara receives another origami bird, this time in the mail and with a phone number written on it. At the Narcotics Anonymous meeting, “Lance” Kellerman tries to convince her to let him bake a pie for her. She’s apprehensive, until he implies without saying he’s gay that he’s gay. Way to dissuade a girl’s dating fears, girlfriend. Sara calls her father, who’s in a meeting with advisors advising him to distance himself from his daughter. She leaves a voicemail, taking responsibility for her actions and apologizing, realizing she made things hard (thanks to the NA meetings). Later, “Lance” drops by with a bunch of stuff for dinner.

Apparently he made Chinese food or something East Asian since they are eating with chopsticks. Or maybe they are crazy people who just eat everything with chopsticks? She asks him if he knows who she is and he slowly admits it. He asks if she and Michael were… you know, when the door knocks — it’s her father! They talk in the kitchen as Kellerman finds the origami bird with the phone number on it; he saves it on his cell. Father and daughter actually talk: she tells him about her program and how they need to make amends. Then she switches over to believing in Lincoln’s innocence and how all the people involved in the case were dead, missing, or incarcerated. She admits she’s scared, and they hug. Aw, isn’t that what you wanted, Sara?

Mahone has dry mouth. I’m assuming, because he keeps rubbing it. He gets a phone call and meets the caller, who is an informant on the Shales case and his drug dealer. He asks about Shales and Mahone is pissy, asking for one thing only: Medazepam. Or Midazolam. I guess he has a new obsession now… Scofield. After taking his pills, he is all easy breezy in figuring out the dead Charles Westmoreland was D.B. Cooper, and that most of the convicts were headed west because of the money he hid there. What the hell is in those drugs? (It’s supposed to be a sedative/relaxant.)

C-Note made his way to Cache County, UT and spots an opportunity to use someone’s hose. The owner comes out and she questions his insanity. He notices an RV she’s selling for $40,000. She doesn’t think he can afford it, but he forcefully asserts that he will return with cash, as if he knows. (He’s gonna die, right?) In Mesquite, NV, Sucre is filling his motorcycle gas tank as he sees the clock read 2:30, the time of the wedding. Mahone stares at the bird bath again, before his flight to Utah. Some guy informs Governor Tancredi of his flight to Washington, D.C., and that he might not get the vice-presidential nod if he digs too deep in the Burrows case. He drops the files on the desk as he leaves. (Does he think it suspicious now of all those “disappearances” and deaths around Lincoln?) Kellerman traces the phone number, but it has been disconnected for seventeen years. T-Bag, Michael, and Lincoln reach the top of the hill. Instead of seeing a silo, where the money’s buried, there are row after row of houses. Shite.

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