I came in a couple minutes late to see Mahone staring at his reflection in the water. What did I miss? Was he lamenting his white eyebrows? (I have a thing with white eyebrows ever since reading Silver by Norma Fox Mazer.)
Michael steals a bucket of fried chicken (that I am suddenly craving for) for the guys to eat. Tensions rise amongst them about the supposed money hidden in Utah. They eventually go off on their own, as Michael reluctantly agrees to retrieve Lincoln’s son, LJ.
Can I be completely shallow and say that Michael looks beautiful in a suit? Prison clothes do no justice.
T-Bag’s hand has been magically reattached. The veterinarian must reattach severed paws and claws all the time. He repays the good doctor by killing him. Now, it isn’t what you think! He killed him humanely. After he took off his clothes. (If this were HBO, he’d probably be naked instead of wearing boxers.) T-Bag gets into the late doctor’s car, running his okey-dokey hand over his now bleached locks. (Ponyboy still looks the best as a bleached blond on the run from the law.) He uses OnStar to get directions to, uh-oh, Utah. Something tells me this conversation won’t make it on those OnStar commercials.
Haywire, the crazy dude, is oot and aboot, but he has no family, because he killed them. Where is he after we last saw him on the bicycle? I think the actor has prior engagements.
Tweener reappears, well, as Older. He shaved his hair off somewhere and has aged about twenty years. He attempts to buy a ticket to, you guessed it, Utah. He notices his face on a newspaper and grows wary, leaving quickly after no tickets are immediately available. He pretends to be a student at a local college (he looks out of place) and checks out the student bulletin board for anyone going to Utah. Success! The camera zooms in on Debra Jean’s name, Debra Jean, as if we should be getting worried. Why? I thought T-Bag was the rapist? Tweener convinces DJ he “mailed” his stuff to UT when questioned about his lack of provisions. She looks suspicious, but believes him. Probably.
The real bulk of the story is Michael and Lincoln attempting to rescue LJ, who has a hearing on whether he’d be charged as an adult or a minor (for allegedly killing his mother and stepdad). Mahone meets LJ, who admits he admires the breakout plan. He also wants him to appear on television, as an incentive for his father and uncle to return. LJ distrusts all government types, since they framed him and his dad. Mahone tries to sweeten the deal to convince him (something about a better jail? He has the authoriteh?). No dice.
Lincoln knows that courthouse in and out (when he had to go there for his trial and hearings), so the two bros devise a plan to deliver a message to LJ: pretend to be Nick Savrinn, his lawyer. Lincoln as “Nick” tells him some news, except what happened to Veronica. Then he tells him cryptically, “On the third, look out for Otis Wright,” and to “look up.”
Afterward, Michael goes to buy some supplies at a hardware store, with Lincoln as a lookout. Unfortunately, he’s recognized, and he goes in to warn Michael; as a police officer enters the store, they leave out the back way without paying (I say this because Michael said he had to pay; nice to know he has scruples despite breaking every law that came out of Hammurabai’s ass). Michael is sad for leaving their car, which has everything inside. Aw, this makes me sad too, see: :'( . They have to go to the courthouse on foot, and Lincoln refers to himself as the brute and Michael as the brain. Yanno, I never really thought about that… but it’s true. Who’s the brain now? Uh, still Michael.
Bellick and Warden Pope attend their hearing at the Department of Corrections. Oh-ho, the fired corrections officer from season 1 returns to rat out Bellick! Pope for the first time finds out how unsavory Bellick really is — he sold Prison Industries to Abruzzi, who handpicked all the cons, who then used that time to dig the hole for their escape. The panel decides to dock Pope two weeks’ pay, and to fire Bellick, who’s crushed. In a surprising move, Pope stands up for his friend and quits! At home, we see that Bellick is human, a really bad human, but still. He takes care of his aging mother, but is ready to blow a shotgun in his mouth when he hears of the million-dollar bounty: a $100,000 reward for all the escaped convicts, except Lincoln, who is worth $300,000. Yeah, that’d probably stop me from killing myself, too. Bellick gets a gleam in his eye as he has a new reason to live: money!
Mahone talks to LJ again, but his tone is markedly different. He asks about his phone call with his lawyer. He reveals that Nick Savrinn had died, and brings out a recording of their phone conversation! Sneaky.
Later, the bailiff escorts LJ to the hearing, as Mahone waits with them at the elevator. Suddenly, his uncle’s genes kick in: he notices a “3”… then he looks to right, then up and it says “Otis” (and some other text) above it. LJ stalls for time by pretending to tie his shoelace, so they can enter the Otis elevator. The bailiff impatiently prods him, as Mahone, too, figures out the coded message. When the doors open, Mahone quickly slips inside and says, “see ya, sucka,” to the bailiff.
The top of the elevator opens, revealing Lincoln, who’s pointing a gun. LJ smartly presses the stop button, before taking away Mahone’s gun, which Michael smartly asks him to do. As LJ is being lifted, Mahone tries to dissuade them, by offering the same deal to Lincoln as he did to his son before. He and Michael get their first eyeful of each other, and I can almost hear the romantic theme swelling. The hollow, plastic clattering of the gun falling onto the floor breaks them out of their reverie. With a smirk, Mahone starts pulling LJ down, while deftly pressing the alarm button with his foot. Careful, guys, he’s just a teen! You might halve him! Michael has the real gun, but Mahone is sure he won’t shoot. LJ asks his father to let him go, or they’ll be caught. He begrudgingly agrees with silence, retreating into the dark and dusty claptrap of an elevator shaft. Then Mahone kicks LJ in the balls. I’m pretty sure it’s the stomach, but let’s say balls. Oh, and I don’t remember when this happened, I am guessing now because someone else said so.
Wow, they escaped fucking fast into a truck.
And if we weren’t convinced Pope was fully against Michael, we are now: he destroys the model of the Taj Mahal Michael helped him build. And if that weren’t enough, he hits it with the lamp and overturns the table! What are you doing! The lamp and the table weren’t Michael’s fault.
Lincoln and Michael ditch the truck, but leave behind blood. Mahone wants them to scour all the hospitals. Lincoln examines his bullet wound as he says sadly that he had failed LJ. (At first, I thought he scratched himself or something.)
LJ is being shipped to a federal penitentiary in Arizona. Luckily, it borders Utah.
You know what was weird? In the captioning, every time someone said “never,” “—” would appear instead.