The Rapes of Graff 2×16

One of my favorite episodes so far this season (up there with Ahoy, Mateys!). It had everything: the big season mystery, hilarity, Michael Cera, Alia Shawkat, and some huge surprises… that no matter how many spoilers I’ve read, I was still surprised by.

In the time between the end of last episode and the beginning of this one, the murder charges were dropped and we never found out what exactly Logan confessed to Veronica. Maybe it was because he realized the gravity of the situation — he was falling for Hannah and had just promised never to see her again. They act kinda chummy when Duncan isn’t around (like episode 1×19… especially 1×19), that’s weird. She asks how Hannah took the breakup, but he still hasn’t said anything to her about it. Veronica admonishes him, saying she deserves an explanation. You mean, kinda like when Logan deserved an explanation when you ditched him on your first date after you thought he was your rapist (he wasn’t)? Or like when Logan deserved an explanation when you ran away right after your makeout session because you thought the secret cameras were his (they weren’t)? Or like when Logan deserved an explanation when you decided to accuse him of Lilly’s murder, only you didn’t tell him about it? She’s no Mary Sue (that’s good), but she’s getting awful hypocritical (that’s bad). Logan exits before Wallace comes into the scene AGAIN (I’m just glad they’re finally talking to each other in a couple eps), and our BFFs discuss the college tour of Hearst.

There, she meets her drug-peddling ex, Troy Vandegraff, now a self-proclaimed reformed boy. As we know, Veronica doesn’t so easily forgive and forget. But the best part is MICHAEL CERA. At a party, we meet a skeezy guy trying to hit on V, but she holds her own (like, beer-in-the-face-then-taser own). Stacy (Alia Shawkat) gets all gropey with Troy and they head upstairs. The next day, Troy calls her up and asks for help in clearing his name of rape charges. Stacy was roofied, raped, and rid of her hair (hey, that’s some pretty fine alliteration I got going). The last person she remembered was Troy. Veronica is reluctant to believe the best of him, but she tackles the case because of personal issues; at least, that’s what I think. (Yeah, she couldn’t have some feelings when she decided to have sex with the guy she once thought was her half-brother and her rapist?)

Troy’s name is eventually cleared, because another girl was assaulted in a similar fashion a month ago, when Troy was in another time zone. However, the real rapist is still on the loose… and obviously the third-season yearlong mystery. It kind of ended strangely though — they didn’t even acknowledged that the guy was still out there. I didn’t expect some cheesy line, “He’s still out there… and we don’t know who’s next.” DUNN-DUNN DUNN! But saying something would’ve been nice. It was a good mystery, but since no culprit was caught I’m going to skip to everything else. Also, because of the rush of bad MotWs recently, I’ve given up heavily detailing them starting… last week. I mean, the real reason I started this was to put down in words my thoughts and clues about the yearlong mysteries, but I also had a lot to say about everything else, too, so it got out of hand. Now it’s in hand.

Logan finally breaks up with Hannah after his conversation with Veronica. He feels really bad about it, though — look, he’s drinking a bottle of beer in one gulp and not paying attention to video games! (Man, it’s Mortal Kombat! I’d pay attention to Mortal Kombat even if my arm’s been torn off.) The boy finally goes back to apologize to Hannah, who’s a complete doltz for forgiving him. They start getting freaky nasty in his hotel room when we’re treated to an ominous pair of walking feet. Logan unbuttons her jeans with his face near her crotch RIGHT WHEN DR. GRIFFITH WALKS IN! Logan insists on seeing Hannah, but her father’s got something else up his sleeve: Vermont boarding school. Oh man, that means she’s gonna come back sometime… if the show is going to last that long. The wrap-up of this plotline bothered me intensely, because I realized just now how similar it was to the Simpsons episode where Milhouse’s first girlfriend’s father caught them kissing in Bart’s treehouse and in a fit of insanity sent her to an all-girls school run by French-Canadian nuns. Oh well, what can you expect from a clichéd storyline?

Our public defender Cliff McCormack lets his passions run loose and he can’t see that the woman he’s romancing wasn’t an OB/GYN, but a hooker escort, who handcuffed him to the bed and then stole his briefcase. The most noteworthy documents would be Logan’s case files, but the charges have already been dropped, so what’s the point? Is it for something else? Loretta Cancun, maybe? Keith uncuffs Cliff (who dialed for help “acrobatically”) in a hilarious scene. They look for the woman in the hotel security footage, whom they see chatting briefly with Sheriff Lamb. They decide to go to him for help, but luckily, they got leverage on him: hotel footage of him getting handsy with Madison Sinclair. BEST. SETUP. EVER. Glad to know there’s hardly a throwaway line in the show (I kinda knew beforehand, but this really cemented that for me): Madison spurned Dick’s suggestion for a quickie and let him know she was more into older men and longies. Well, the girls has a type: she goes from Dick to a dick. Lamb is pretty much what I imagine a mature Dick would be, but I’m using “mature” loosely. Lamb defends that she’s 18, thus legal, so Cliff and Keith produce his new campaign flyer: a photo of Lamb and Madison dry humping in the elevator with the words “18 – It’s Legal! Re-Elect Don Lamb!” Lamb’s reaction is priceless.

The hooker escort is Sugar Jones, whom Lamb busted a few times. He immediately rips the flyer when they leave. Plenty more where that came from, Lambkins. Sugar Jones (I liked it better when the sides said she was Sugar Kane) thinks Keith called for some company (Keith is a pimp, luring working girls into his lair constantly, like in 1×22). SJ says someone paid her handsomely to steal it and she handed it off to them in the hotel garage. This, too, is unresolved and will pop back up later, somehow.

Mrs. Murphy tells her English class about the county-wide essay contest: the winner gets to hang with County Supervisor Goodman for a week and push the plunger for the demolition of Old Shark Field. Veronica somewhat playfully snarks to Logan he should have the contest in the bag — he’s a free man, and free men potentially know a lot about the essay’s theme, freedom. (Again, not an arbitrary high school contest or random remark: he wins. Although not for all the right reasons, lol.)

Veronica figures that they will have to use explosives to demolish the stadium, and visits the demolition team to find more information (whether or not it was actually for the school paper, I don’t know). The guy explains they will use C4 so the stadium will implode, the same kind of explosives Veronica saw in WOODY GOODMAN’S HANGAR. In the closing moments, she spots Danny Boyd of the Fighting Fitzpatricks (who, incidentally, appeared last in Ahoy, Mateys!), who recognizes her, working on the team as well.(!!)

I hope the stabbing and the bus crash are related and goes back to the Fitzpatricks, or at least tied to each other by them. That’s the only way they could make up for the fact that it doesn’t affect Veronica personally, I think. Six more episodes and we still have to figure out:

1) Who crashed the bus?
2) Who killed Felix?
3) Why frame Logan for Felix’s murder?
4) Are the Fitzpatricks really behind framing Logan?
5) Who killed Curly Moran?
6) Why did Curly Moran have “Veronica Mars” written in permanent marker? (It must’ve been, or the ocean would’ve washed it off, or faded it considerably. Maybe this was the real “message” to Veronica, not the rat on the bus. I certainly don’t go ’round writing on my skin with permanent ink; ballpoint pen works fine, so the killer wanted it seen.)
7) Who’s framing Terrence? Because really… it’s too early for that reveal.
8) Why did Terrence break into his dead lover’s home?
9) What’s Beaver planning with the Phoenix Land Trust?
10) What’s Kendall doing for Aaron with the hair she plucked from the drain?
11) What’s the use of the “paddle” Veronica found engraved with license plate numbers in Thumper’s locker?
12) Is an individual or individuals purposefully exacerbating Neptune’s class warfare or is it naturally occurring because of huge social differences? (The town without a middle class: either you are a millionaire or you work for one, which I always found problem with because Keith doesn’t work for one)
13) Who was the anonymous caller saying Curly crashed the bus?
14) Uh, does this count? What really happened to Felix’s brother? Was he really offed by the Fitzpatricks?
15) What was the real deal about Alicia’s old life in Chicago? Where is she?!
16) Did Aaron really kill Lilly?

Okay the last few I just kinda pulled outta my ass because Entertainment Weekly said there were 18(!) concurrent mysteries. I still need two more. I hope we start finding out some things, soon, tick-tick.

Edit
17) Why was Curly at the crash site memorial shortly before he ended up dead on a beach?
Edit 2
18) Who shot the slug through Logan’s car when he and Veronica were inside making out?
Yes! Eighteen! As of this episode!
Edit 3
19) What’s with the rat?

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