This is in honor of the next two episodes I didn’t see. I forgot about this momentarily, which is why it’s late, and I was planning to watch the new episodes, but… I just didn’t care. I didn’t feel compelled to watch. Which shows that the show is just… all right.
What I’ve seen plays out like a soap opera, but the twist is, instead of being a lawyer, CEO, or writer, the head of the family is an Episcopalian reverend. Shocking! Here are the things that happen in the two-hour debut:
– Reverend Daniel Webster bails his daughter, Grace, out of jail, who was arrested for selling pot to make money so she could draw manga. That’s right, manga. I’ve known numerous people who draw without using fancy-schmancy tools. And even if they wanted her to need money so badly, couldn’t it have been for something… else? Weak.
– His eldest son, Peter, is gay, but Bishop Bertrum Webster (Daniel’s father) doesn’t know and unwittingly sets him up with Bishop Beatrice Congreve’s niece or something, Adele.
– Bishop Webster’s wife suffers from Alzheimer’s, and even though he loves her, regularly has sex with… Bishop Congreve.
– The Websters adopted Chinese son, Adam, is somewhat secretly dating Caroline Paxton. While sneaking out of her room, he falls off a tree and has to go to the hospital. He doesn’t have a secret, but Caroline’s mom is racist, and only his mother, Judith, knows. Oh, yeah, Judith likes to hit the sauce often.
– Daniel’s sister-in-law’s husband, Charlie, is missing with the church school money. Daniel asks Father Frank, an Italian Catholic, to use his mob connections to find the money. They find him dead, apparently from a heart attack (he also had a messed-up rectum). At the funeral, Charlie’s wife, Victoria, Judith’s sister, accuses his secretary, Jesse, of murder. However, in the next moment they are chatting up a storm and having tea. Daniel discovers the three of them had engaged in threesomes all the time and Victoria confesses she had fallen in love with Jesse.
– Father Frank reveals the money won’t be “found” unless the school is built by Vaporelli Construction, a mob-operated business. This subplot was clichéd and just not good or original.
– And let’s not forget Daniel, the priest who pops pills and speaks to Jesus.
Seems like something we can see on plenty of other family dramas and daytime or primetime soap operas, except are we supposed to think it’s more shocking, because the father is a priest? Nothing remarkable, and I don’t know why affiliates got their panties in a twist for this. I would think asking children to eat some kind of bloody liver to be more offensive.
Jesus was hilarious. He should get a spinoff. Adam was also funny; about the only time I laughed was when he and Jesus spoke (unfortunately never together). Ellen Burstyn as Beatrice Congreve was interesting, but she seemed kinda of flat. I like her, though.
I’d read that the next two episodes slowed down a bit, but I didn’t care enough to watch. I’ve also read they only produced eight episodes, and hopefully that’s it, because I can’t see things going beyond more than a season or so. Man, I really have a thing against long-running series. (Well, if they don’t suck, it’s fine, but that’s often not the case.)
Here are some quotes from the episodes I wrote down for some reason:
“Adam, mixed marriages never work.”
“Shouldn’t you be sucking on a bong in the attic?”
“These nuns got nothing to do all day but pray and gossip.”
“I’m the one that hired that goddamn thief. And no, I’m not taking the Lord’s name in vain. I actually want God to damn him!”
“Victoria, if you don’t stop crying this instant, I am going to smother you with an oven mitt.”